Venice: The Amsterdam of the South

Venice. The city of canals, of love, of boats, of vast mobs of tourists, the Amsterdam of the South (Amsterdam is the Venice of the North, so why not the other way around?). One begins to wonder when walking the streets if anyone actually lives in or is from the city. Wandering the alleys and the canals, you hear English, Russian, French… almost anything but Italian. The place is now a kind of adult Disneyland, full of museums and art, but devoid of anything resembling modern life. Or so it would seem to the casual observer.

But first, Verona

We were in Venice twice. Once just my wife and myself. We were staying at an Airbnb in Verona, where we got to witness the balcony from which Juliet once opined, “Wherefore art thou Romeo!” The balcony at the House of Capulet was built about 3 centuries after Shakespeare wrote the play, and was actually built specifically for the tourist appeal. Italians already caught on that people were looking for a balcony, so they built them a balcony! And now also a bronze statue, whose tit you rub and you get good luck… it’s quite shiny now you know.

the fair golden breasts of Juliet

Verona is definitely a town worth visiting, especially if you can see a concert there. They have a coliseum there too, right in the middle of the scenic and tightly packed old town, where they still hold concerts, festivals, and other performances. Just no Christians getting eaten by lions, unfortunately.

random square in Verona

Verona is actually a great place to stay to visit Venice, if you’re only in for the tourist mobs for one day as we were. We had a long weekend, we were living in Prague, and we wanted to see as much as possible. And when wandering around the Disneyland of the South, we got the picture that one day was fine. The last train left at midnight, and in Italy, the inter-city trains were fairly cheap anyway.

Now for Venice

It was then that we made our discovery that there IS life in Venice outside of 50-man Japanese tour groups, and that life starts up around 11 o’clock at night, when Italians finally are able to shake off their hangover from the night before and start up again (a trend I’ve noticed throughout the peninsula, not just in Venice). The scenic little squares and cozy corners get a second life, as the locals left there come out to do their milling, away from the heat, the sun, and the camera lenses. They bring their plastic cups and fill up their own prosecco, not bothering with the overpriced tourist fare.

a random square in Venice in winter

If you can’t handle tourism there, skip Venice altogether. There is a certain magic to the city, but these days it is a catered magic. They cater to the image of Venice, and in that matter, it’s not that different to the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, except that instead of being a tribute to somewhere else, it’s a pure simulacrum of itself. The city gave way to the legend, and now it tries to emulate its own ideal image, whether that’s in pretentious art exhibits or the gondola drivers singing opera.

this guy was not having the sing song

But, despite that, I find myself longing to go back. There are always more museums and more churches to see, more canals to explore. Despite how small the town is, it’s enormously rich, and the different islands offer different atmospheres, from bustling to lazy, with even different foods. I found that restaurants on the main islands were a bit ludicrous (except for pizza, you can always find a decently priced meal in Italy if you’re good with pizza), but then take a boat out to Murano and the prices drop down by half (definitely an island worth seeing and is beautiful in its own regard).

Murano is quite the beaut

The people can be a bit rude. They’re dealing with tourists all day and every day. They know you don’t care about them, and they don’t care about you. I found the same situation in Egypt around the pyramids. It’s Venice and they know everyone is going to come at least once in their life, and they’re not that concerned about repeat visits. Heck, most of the people in the hospitality industry there aren’t even Venetian, so what do they care if you don’t come back? Don’t let that bother you though, as the folk who come out at night are nice enough. But then, also, you can get pretty far in life by being nice to people and smiling.

not everywhere is accessible by foot...

Getting to Venice

As I mentioned, the times I visited Venice, I didn’t even stay in Venice. The first time I stayed in Verona, and the second time we stayed in Mestre, the town that’s just on the mainland. The trains go through the night, so it’s not a huge issue commuting, and Mestre itself though quaint, is nice in a more honest fashion, the people already so much friendlier, but it’s modern and you get none of the romance.

You can arrive in Venice by either train, plane, or automobile. There’s an airport that has water shuttle service directly to San Marco. Cool yeah? If you’re going by plane, I recommend that. The shuttle costs 8 euros a person, just look for the signs for “vaporetti” or “Actv”. Otherwise there’s a really long train and auto bridge, and an auto park just on the Venetian side of the bridge where you can park your car for an exorbitant fee. As you can’t really drive around in Venice (surprise!), I’d actually just find a cheaper place to park in Mestre myself... There are day trains and sleeper trains that go into Venice from Vienna, Rome, and Salzburg.

the famous rialto bridge

We took the sleeper train in once... I recommend against it. It sounds like you'll save a lot of time, but really you just end up kind of beat up, tired, and sort of miserable. Stay the extra night and be fresh.

Getting around in Venice

You have options, and they go by four tiers. The most expensive is to take a gondola, one of those neat little ethnic boats with the guys in the striped shirts. They sometimes sing, they often make jokes, and they make fun of their occupants in quick Italian slang with the other gondola drivers. And fun fact, once a year, many make a pilgrimage up to Prague for the Saint John Nepomuk festival, as he is the patron saint of gondolas. He got that honor for being tossed off Charles’ Bridge by the king because he wouldn’t tell the king what his wife was confessing to him in secret, and the king suspected his queen of doing the nasty with others. So he did what kings did best and had Saint John killed. Gondolas will run you anywhere from 50 dollars to 150 dollars, depending on if you share it with another couple or opt for a private run.

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The second most expensive method of transit is the water taxi. Just like their landborn cousins, they tend to be run by sharks who excel at ripping people off. Sadly there’s no Uber water taxi service yet, as far as I know. Weirdly even the water taxis can cost even more than the gondolas depending on the boat driver, so be aware. But Venice is not big, so why even bother with a taxi?

gondola traffic jam

Especially when you have the water bus! These “water buses”, or vaporetti, service various stops around the island, going up and down the grand canal and on the other sides, and they also serve to connect all the other islands in the archipelago. You can navigate the vaporetti system with Google maps, or download the Venezia Unica Guide, which hosts a full timetable and route map as well. The vaporetti are most often than not insanely packed. But if you can manage to squeeze in first, then you can get a great window standing spot and watch the city go by, pretending you were rich like Clooney and riding in your private water taxi.

view from the vaporetto

The water buses used to be quite pricey when I was there. But now checking up on them, it seems they’ve dropped the price (which means I’m due back sometime soon…). Vaporetto run you about 1.50 euro a ride, and they also have a day pass which costs thirty euros and is good for 24 hours after you validate it (the daypass also covers you for the fare to and from Mestre, and the local Mestre buses). That’s called the Venezia Metropolitana 24. You can read more about the tickets here and you can buy them at self-service ticket machines (with English), red or orange boxes that say either “emettitrice automatica” or “Venezia unica point” or using the AVM app.

another view from the vaporetto

The last and cheapest way is to walk. Most everywhere on San Polo and San Marco can be reached by foot. Of course, you’ll have to take a vaporetto to get to any of the other islands, as it’s not like you can swim. I mean, don’t swim. That water has got to be toxic. And I can’t imagine how many dead bodies are floating just underneath that murky surface.

St. Mark's square, not during tourist season

Don’t miss!

1. The beautiful and peaceful island of Murano. The tourist crowds don’t make it out as much, and you get the feeling that people actually live there, especially since there aren’t as many hotels. Everything is in general more relaxed, and the people working at the restaurants are much friendlier (as are the prices).

2. The grave of Igor Stravinsky. There’s a lovely church on the way to Murano, and from that church you can access quite a large graveyard. Somewhere there is the tomb of the great composer, just a marker and nothing fancy, like the man himself.

3. A glass of prosecco. There are no open container laws in Venice. So just by a bottle of the local brew and grab a seat with your legs dangling off the edge of a canal. Much more romantic than having to squeeze between some large Russian boxer tourist guys at the bar. At those nice sidewalk cafes, they want you to eat and order big, so they often won't let you relax there with just some vino.

4. Gondola ride. It’s cheesy. It’s lame. But I still haven’t done one and kind of regret that.

5. Pizza. It’s cheap. Sure, it’s not exactly local, as pizza comes from Naples, and it’s nowhere near as good as Napolitano pizza, but if you’re on a budget, this is the best to get. And you can even sit in a restaurant, order a pizza, and still not break 10 dollars for your meal. Unless you order a beer.

6. Mask shops. Venetians and tourists alike still celebrate Carnavale, full of masks and fun. The tradition has kept strong, and has kept the mask industry alive and well, so you can find a great deal and variety of odd masks, from the traditional, to the H.R. Giger. There are shops hidden throughout the alleys with these treasures, made often by the guys who own the shops.

7. Other towns! Like I said, there’s a train station in Venice proper. That means getting around is really easy, and trains in Italy are really cheap. Trieste is three hours away, Verona one hour, Rocca Scaligera just beyond, and Trent two hours.

Just keep in mind that Venice doesn’t have to be expensive, and that there will be hordes of tourists no matter what. Relax and enjoy!

#venice #islands #traveltips #touristicsites

The Hostile Hospitality of Samegrelo

If you ask Georgians to describe themselves, they’d all start with a single adjective: hospitable (this is probably also true in the state of Georgia, but here we’re talking the country). And in the country of Georgia itself, there are varying degrees of hospitable stereotypes.

In Tbilisi, of course, it’s a city so it doesn’t hold true, but meet a Georgian and they’ll probably tell you the most hospitable people are in Samegrelo (check out these beautiful places in the Megrelian homeland) and the least hospitable people are in Kakheti.

a cow hanging out at a run-down tea plantation

Where this might not actually be true, it does say something about the style and expectations of hospitality. In Samegrelo, they have to stuff food down people’s throats. In Kakheti, they let you eat at your own pace. This also says something about what Georgians view as “hospitality", and for many of us expats, we end up adding another adjective to it, “hostile hospitality”.

I married into a Megrelian family, which means I know all about this hostile hospitality. And here I’ve decided to write some tips and tricks to both visiting a Megrelian family and if you’re ever lucky enough to host one, dealing with them.

Megrelians hanging out eating the cow

When visiting:

1. They will ask you if you want to eat. Like a hundred times. Be aware: they don’t say, “I’d like to eat, would you?” but rather simply ask, “Would you like to eat?” If you’re not hungry, and keep refusing, you may be starving them.

2. Saying “yes” to something when first asked is rude and you’ll look like a glutton. But on the other hand, saying “no” may starve them, so be aware of this fine balance.

3. If you sit down, expect food to be placed on the table.

4. If you are standing, expect to be told to sit down.

5. While you’re eating, you will be told to eat. Sometimes a different food they think you haven’t seen, sometimes the same food you’re chewing on. They think that despite the fact you’re presently eating it, you might have missed it still.

6. You should eat slowly and carry on at the same pace, otherwise they’ll think something is amiss. Always keep a little food on your plate. Because 7 and 8.

7. If you slow down eating, they’ll start asking you why you’re not eating.

8. If you’re the first to stop eating, they’ll look at each other very anxiously and assume you didn’t like the food.

1. They may put food onto your plate without asking you. Especially if you slow down or stop eating. Don’t get offended.

2. They may put food into your mouth without asking you. Especially if you slow down or stop eating. Don’t get offended, just chew.

3. If you didn’t like something and say it was “okay” when asked, they’ll assume you liked it and serve it to you again, over and over. They may even put it on your plate or into your mouth without asking.

4. If you say you didn’t like something, they may have a heartattack or disappear into the fields to cry.

5. Don’t be first to leave the table. They’ll think you didn’t like it. But at the same time, they’ll all wait for you to leave the table first before they leave.

6. If you go pee, it means you can’t hold your wine and are weak. But that’s okay if you’re not Georgian. They expect it. Which also means you can really impress people if you can hold your pee.

7. You may be visiting a poor family and are tempted to help pay for things. DON’T! Being a host is the most honorable and wonderful thing for a Megrelian and this could be the story of that family’s lifetime. If you pay for it, it will ruin that (this is partly why business hospitality and real hospitality are entirely different things for Georgians).

a Megrelian making sure I eat (and drink) enough

When having them over:

1. If you ask them if they want to eat, they will say “no”. This is a lie. Serve them anyway.

2. Megrelians will almost never accept hospitality. You must force them. This is normal, because it’s the same in Samegrelo. They expect you to force them. For them, it’s rude to accept easily, and they think it’s rude for you to not be hostile about it. Not asking something at least three times is rude. Maybe you want coffee. Ask them if they want coffee three times. They’ll say “no” every time, bring them coffee anyway.

3. They’ll often stand around until you tell them to sit, even when they want to sit.

4. You might see a Megrelian is not eating even after you serve them. Tell them to eat. They sometimes require extra motivation from the host. Feel free to put things on their plate.

5. If they’re still not eating, it may be necessary to put food into their mouth. You know they really want it, they’re just being shy.

6. They’ll tell you if they didn’t like something. That way you don’t have to serve it again.

7. It’s normal for them to bring candies or something to a large feast, but don’t expect much more help. It’s an honor to host them.

8. If you keep all these things in mind, you should be set when dealing with Megrelians (and by extension, many other Georgians as well).

getting ready to make nut sauce

A couple of other things to keep in mind are some key words to use:

#life #Martvili #Samegrelo #traveltips

My Tbilisi neighbors

In the Czech Republic, most places in the old town are flats, and I imagine most homes throughout the country are flats as well. For each building, the owners of the flats are grouped together in a kind of cooperative, and they discuss things like shared heating, building maintenance, upgrading the building, repairs, landscaping, and so on, something like an HOA in the US. They agree on the monthly prices to charge and someone takes the responsibility to carry it all out. When you rent an apartment, you usually have to pay the rent plus those building fees, which Czechs call “poplatky”. I personally think it’s a remarkable system, and at the core reveals the socialist model of living – it’s democratic and it’s about a shared responsibility for shared benefits. Maybe you don’t want one benefit, but want another, and so you have to make tradeoffs and compromises to get what you want, but in the end, theoretically everybody benefits from the synchronicity.

a street of flats in Prague

In Georgia, it seems they work in a similar method. But on one hand where the cooperatives in Czech Republic seem to do an amazing job at their self-governance and updating, the Georgian system doesn’t seem to have that sort of benefit. Take elevators. Lifts in Prague are maintained by a monthly building fee. In Georgia, they’re usually coin operated (I’ve noticed the same profound system in Italy as well, so it’s not unique to this country). The lift in our building requires a 5 tetri coin (3 cents), and only a 5 tetri coin, to go up and down. That ends up being a ton of coins, but in the long run, not much money. Living on a way up floor, we probably spend a maximum of 10 lari (5 dollars) a month. Now, for the life of me, I don’t understand why we just don’t pay the lift maintenance guy that money directly, and not worry about keeping a stock of 5 tetri coins.

Georgian neighbors

I’ve often heard from Georgians about how they have good neighbors. They’re friends with their neighbors. Unlike in America where we don’t know or don’t care about our neighbors. What they really mean is that neighbors are all up in your business, questioning all your guests like their suspected killers and thieves. There's usually one person in the building that acts as the local sheriff, and that person is usually an older lady who sits on a bench outside all day...

lots o neighbors up there

Water problems

Knock on our door one morning.

The lady from right under us barges in. She’s old, she’s wearing some very loose shirt where you can see her sagging essentials from the side. She waves her arms a lot while she talks, which of course exaggerates the issue with her shirt. She speaks in Russian, but understands Georgian. As I speak decent Russian, this is no big deal. “Our apartment is flooded with water and it’s coming from our sink, so it must be from your flat! Did you pour a lot of water down the sink?”

“But that doesn’t really make sense,” I said. “How would our sink water get into your kitchen? It goes down the drain, to the central pipes. Maybe something is blocked there?”

you try to work out how our water is going up into her sink...

“No, we all got together and fixed the central pipes last year,” she said. “It has to be coming from here. It’s clean water. If it was coming from the central pipes, it would be dirty.”

“Of course, if it’s coming from here, then we’ll pay for it. Just talk to a plumber and then send him to us.”

And then she went into our awesomely painted bathroom, complete with a mural that reminds me of either Hawaii or Egypt.

“And water is flooding down on top of me. It’s like it’s raining in our bathroom! It used to happen all the time. But now it’s not. But I think I was going crazy!”

Yes, I thought, I can verify that.

Then she welcomed herself to a tour of the apartment. “Ah, it’s very interesting what you did here, and there. You know, the last owner was going to take that piece of furniture, and that one too. And that one that was built in was done by the owner before her, and she was going to take that too!”

“Good thing we changed the locks,” I said to my wife. The previous owner had already taken enough of the furniture we had agreed she'd leave.

She left. A week passed and she came back because she was locked out and needed to use our phone. She then told us, “Water hasn’t been pouring down.”

That’s good. Part of me wonders if there was ever water pouring down in the first place.

The government

Then there was another lady. This one wears thick makeup and in general looks like an American Southern lady whose always ready to go to her Baptist church. I'd half expect her to say "Lordy" if she spoke English, and I imagine she wears big hats to church rather than a scarf. She’s apparently the head of the building government.

She tells us about a petition. There apparently has to be so many signatures in order to be brought up in the building government meeting. And then if there’s something to be done by the neighborhood government, there has to be a percentage of signatures on top of that.

The petition is for helping the other halls. You see, a Soviet block apartment doesn’t waste square footage on interior hallways. Instead there’s just about ten separate entrances around the base, and each entrance has its own staircase and lift, the entrance, area and lift together are called in Georgian a “sadarbazo”, and each has their own governing structure. So in all we’ve got the sadarbazo government, the building government, and the neighborhood government. The darbazi government doesn’t have meetings, but does do petitions and basic agreements with the neighbors. For instance, the water pipes were done by agreement of the sadarbazo.

our beautiful sadarbazo

This petition was asking for money. The other sadarbazos were needing to do maintenance and repairs, and they didn’t have enough money, so they were asking for a grant from the neighborhood government, along with a very small amount of monthly aid from the neighboring sadarbazos. That sounded okay to me.

Save the tree!

While she was telling us all of this, another shorter lady who dressed something more akin to a Canadian lumberjack came up and started yelling at her. “You swindler! You cheat!” she was yelling. “Don’t give these people your petitions, you liar!”

After her tirade, the building president left, nearly in tears. The short lady turned to us and said, “I’m sorry she was harassing you. Anyways, I have a petition here…”

When this lady speaks to my wife, she goes at a kilometer a minute, but with me she’d switch to English, raise her voice, and speak very slowly. “HELLO! HOW ARE YOU?" she says, every time I run into her. I speak back to her in Georgian, but it never seems to occur to her that this American guy speaks some Georgian. Or maybe she just wants to practice shouting English at me. There’s no way to be sure.

Next time I should do the same. "GAMARJOBA! ROGORA KHAR?"

Her petition was for this: this one family in our building wants to take over some public space and turn it into their private yard. I don’t care about that, why not let them. But then they also want to cut down a tree. Nobody wants the tree cut down. She has to petition both the building government and the neighborhood government, both of which have rejected her trying to do so. This lady was making a petition to save the tree as a just in case measure.

without the trees, we only have concrete

This all was of course a lot to grasp in our first couple of weeks living here. But it was a fascinating lesson on local living in Georgia. And it made the whole matter of why I’ve got to pay 5 tetri for my lift even more of a mystery.

#life #Tbilisi