What you should know to survive the Louvre

Everybody knows the Louvre. It’s the unequivocally gigantic art museum of nearly 782,000 square feet that used to be the home of the late French high nobility. Built first as a fortress in the 12th century, by the 16th century it was a sprawling palatial complex that served as the king’s primary residence, but for Louis XIV, the most pompous of a pompous line of kings, the palace wasn’t enough and he had it moved out to Versailles. It was then used to house the king’s private art collection, and various salons of the Parisian intelligentsia. Since the Revolution, it’s served as the museum it currently is, with collections of various sizes depending on the power and range of the French Empire/Republic of the time.

The most famous piece in the Louvre is DaVinci’s “Mona Lisa”, a fairly boring piece that doesn’t even range among the artist’s best, but you know, the artist painted in a "mysterious smile" on his homely subject that's somehow dazzled millions ever since. There’s also a very broad range of his student’s studying how to draw people pointing, and more interestingly for me, David’s portraits of Napoleon and the various French Revolutions. There are hordes of people that are clearly there for only that painting though, so obviously, you just have to see it for yourself. Don’t expect being able to get close, as more people are crowding in to see it than if Leonardo Dicaprio were spotted eating gelato at the Eiffel Tower.

The Mona Lisa and her throngs of admirers

To really grasp most of the museum, you’ll need a full day or two. But it is possible to do a lightning tour of the most interesting stuff. Most of the museum isn’t art, but rather recreations of Napoleon III’s apartments, with all the glory and circumstance of his position, then there’s also a massive collection of stolen Greek and Roman statues. So if you’ve seen examples of those things elsewhere, like say the much superior collection of stolen goods at the British Museum, then you’ve no reason to attend to the Louvre’s.

First thing you should do is to go straight up to the top to the Northern Europe collection (read: Dutch). The Dutch collection houses a pretty impressive amount of Rembrandts and van Eyck (including the one where the woman is wearing that blue headpiece thing). Among the Rembrandt’s is a naked woman lounging around while an old lady is washing her feet, which must have been a common thing back during the Golden Age of the Dutch Republic.

"You, get naked, you, wash her feet," Rembrandt said.

There’s also just some outright weird stuff that doesn’t belong anywhere outside a Dutch ecstasy coated rave party, like this exercise in psychedelic angel art, the likes I haven’t seen rivaled outside a bathroom in Fussen, Bavaria, where there was a cupid eating an ice cream surrounded by other ice cream cones.

"Fear not, I come bearing peace and drugs," sayeth the angel

Then jump down a level, run across the apartments to the opposite wing where the Italian collection is. There is some beautiful lavishness going on there, but make sure to not get lost or you’ll find your way widdling away hours in a nightmare vertigo akin to that angel painting.

It's hard to see why the French offed the kings

Do your DaVinci thing, and keep in mind that the Mona Lisa is off in a room on the right. There are lots of signs leading to it, because they know that’s what you’re there for. But don’t mind the gargantuan and ever more impressive “Wedding at Cana” by Veronese, nevermind that though because probably you’ve never heard of the guy. Also look for my new favorite painting, what I like to call the Big Gay Jesus, which is on the left side of the main hall.

Who said gays were underrepresented in Christianity?

Then onward to the Spanish collection just down the hall, where there’s some guy admiring a view of Hell, which is all that’s really needed to be seen there. Cross to the other wing and catch the David collection, and you’re done.

What to Eat? Paris by any means is an expensive city. The museum is even moreso. At 20 euros to enter, don’t expect anything cheap for lunch (or tasty, for that matter). There is however an underground mall connected to the Louvre, with entry on the far side of the river near the road between the pyramid and the victory arch there. Underground you can find McDonald’s and other cheap and quick eats.

Getting In This is my most important advice to you. On any good day, you’ll have to wait at least an hour to get inside. The much better thing is to go to the Louvre website and order your ticket in advance. It’s 3 euros cheaper. You only have to book your time, but you can enter early or late, they’re really not at all strict about it. Booking ahead allows you to completely skip the line and go straight in.

The Louvre from the second floor cafe

Getting There

The Louvre is hard to miss, as it takes up about half the city. Just walk along the river towards the center of the city until you find a building that seems to never end. You’ve found it.

#museums #Paris #touristicsites #castles

Fear is only temporary

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The Party on Hvar

I can’t stress it enough. The Dalmatian coast is one of the most beautiful in the world, with its steep cliffs, ancient Greek and Italian villages, castles, fields of lavender, and all the secret coves any sailor or beachcomber could desire.

A Little Bit of History

Last time I touched on Croatia, I was talking about the Sail Croatia cruise we were on last year and talked about the oldest city in Croatia, Stari Grad, which is on Hvar Island. This time, I’m still talking about that epic cruise vacation, except now I’m talking about the new port, Hvar. I call Hvar the new port, but it was settled in 800 AD, after the Slavs came in. So it’s old in regards to most cities in the world, but it’s a relatively new development on the island, since Stari Grad comes to us from the Greeks of Paros at around 384 BC.

Hvar and Stari Grad are opposites on many terms, not just in age. Where Stari Grad is a sleepy, romantic town of relaxation, lavender ice cream, and bicycle rides through olive and lavender fields, Hvar is literally a non-stop party.

About the Island

As our boat came creeping towards the harbor, we could already hear the gyrating dance music pounding out its rhythms from some exclusive club at 11 am. One questions whether it was just starting up or just finishing from the night before. The boats were all crowded in, and access to the town was impossible until a special water taxi came up to take us away. In the meantime, we went for a swim in a nearby cove until our taxi time was ready. The boat would then dock much later that night, when the day boats and ferries were gone. That meant, once we were on land, we were staying there.

taking the ferry to Hvar

That turned out to be no problem though. Hvar covers two hills. One hill is the new town, on the outer arm of the natural harbor, small Italian style villas and apartments crowded across it with shuttered windows and flowers spilling from every crack. On the other hill sits the castle and the gardens going down the side, to finally meet the city which sprawls midway up. Within the garden grounds was the old walled city, which has long been gone from fires and pirates and fires caused by pirates, pirates who were probably from Omis.

What to do

That said, there’s chiefly three things to occupy yourself with. Walk around the new town and get the wonderful views of the sea and the castle, or walk around the older quarters and pretend you’re in some sort of sprawling fantasy castle, re-enacting the scenes of Game of Thrones — of course, you’ll get enough of that once you get to Dubrovnik.

When you land with a view like this, you know you're in the right place

We finally got to the island and the club pounding away. People were invited in, but only people wearing all white and willing to drink champagne and dance. It looked as if there was a rule that if you stopped dancing in the 40-degree Celsius sun then out you went. It also appeared that perhaps they were filming a commercial or something, given the stringent requirements of looking like you were having fun. To note, unless you had a lot of drugs or alcohol, it would have been impossible to be having fun in that heat!

St. Stephen's towers over the main pjaca, or plaza

We immediately made our way to the central square, or pjaca (piatsa) and took shelter in the 14th century St. Stephen's Cathedral. It was built on the remains of a 6th century church, and didn't meet its final form until the bell tower was attached in the 17th century.

The Castle

The hike up the hill from the older quarters through the gardens is not easy, but it’s worth it. Drink lots of water before you go, as it’s hot even into the late night, and you’ll be drenched in sweat by the time you get to the top. As you go up, you get to see the ancient roads, and you start to see the formation of the ancient city as you approach the castle walls. And then there you are, in a massive fortress with a commanding view of the harbor and the sea beyond.

an ancient road and church on the way

at the castle ramparts

The castle has several interesting exhibitions inside, with one history about the history of the town. There’s also a dungeon that you can visit, with steep steps down the stairs of an outer tower and then a row of prison cells with pretty quality views. I was again reminded of a scene of Game of Thrones, when Tyrion was imprisoned in the Eyrie. That’s how steep the way down was!

inside the dungeon

no end to amazing views on the way

Make sure you hit the castle in time for sunset, as there is no other place to be for such an event on Hvar, standing on the ramparts and watching the sun sparkle across the sea, exploding on the horizon.

there are few better places to catch a sunset

Hvar is a party town, as I mentioned. There is no shortage of restaurants, cocktail bars, and restaurants. Start off with some Italian food or pizza – pizza if you’re on budget – and move on to any of your dozens of options in the old part of town. It’s like you’re partying in a medieval castle. Which you kind of are. And that’s really awesome.

How to Get There

Either you can sort out a cruise like we did, or you can take the ferry from Split, Dubrovnik, or other villages.

Places to Stay

We stayed on our boat. But there are also loads of hostels, hotels, and AirBnBs. You can try your usual booking sites, like booking.com or Airbnb.com.

Staying in Hvar is not for everyone though, and that comes with a big warning. If you’re young and want to dance all night or hook up, then it’s most definitely the place to go. If you want a quieter place, I would stay in Stari Grad and rent a bicycle to get to Hvar. Then just ride back after sunset for something romantic in the “Old Town”.

#hvar #Omis #castles #touristicsites #hotels