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The Castles of the US

There are more ways between two places than one route. And this is most certainly true in the South of the US, where vast stretches of highway connect state to state and city to city. The best option is like life down there, the slow option, passing by swampy forests, full of willows, cedar, and oak, where the Spanish moss reaches from tall branches down to the ground below. The air is thick and wet, old men watch your car pass from huge covered front porches.

We already took the fast highway route. I wanted a different route. I wanted the slow route.

Fort Morgan entrance

Fort Morgan being invaded by Federalists

I’ve seen dozens and dozens of European castles, and only add to that number every time I leave Prague. So, I thought it was high time I saw an American castle, and by castle here I mean fortress.

Around Perdido Key, there are four old fortresses open for touring, Fort McRee (which you can’t go inside), Fort Pickens, Fort Morgan, and Fort Gaines.

Fort Morgan

Defending the Fort

These are quite different than the traditional medieval European castles one’s used to thinking about though, as they were built in quite a different age. As you might see in towns like Dubrovnik, the medieval days saw the walls on fortifications get higher and higher, with towers and keeps soaring into the sky. This was because the main siege weapons were catapults and trebuchets, which were more often than not, used to send rocks flying through the air over the walls and decimating the garrison from above. But with the advent of cannon warfare, and gunpowder stockpiles blowing up famous sites (see also: the Parthenon), fortifications began to change.

Fort Morgan

the second tier

Medieval castles became somewhat powerless when it came to cannons, so they transformed into beautiful, sprawling palaces, and fairy tale monuments, while a new sort of military fort emerged. The new kind would be lower to the ground, which made it harder to hit with cannons, using more earthworks to defend from attacks. With its more parallel position, it was then easier to send a barrage of powerful explosives towards any advancing army or navy. And instead of being in populated areas, they were more often than not placed away from them.

Fort Morgan entrance

a profoundly useless cannon

These especially were the overlying ideas behind the development of the string of fortresses built along the US’s southern coast. The first series of fortifications were built in the area by the Spanish, who were later kicked out by American expansion—interestingly, in our War of 1812 against the British, we were only able to soundly defeat the Spanish, until after the war was over, when Andrew Jackson pommeled the British a bit too Johnny-come-lately over in New Orleans.

The Americans then set about building a better fort system, known as the “Third System”, which was defined by its low, protected masonry walls and two tiers of cannon. Most of these were completed just in time for the Civil War. Good for those entitled Southerner loafers who refused to pay their taxes and just milked the Union for their forts. Granted, these forts probably weren’t all that expensive, since the South benefited from slaves, and forts like Morgan were one-hundred percent built by those non-Union laborers.

Fort Morgan

near one of the 360 cannon placements

The Civil War

Here’s the thing though, many saw their only use during the Civil War. And a few in the South were never even held by the Confederates, but maintained Union alliance, like nearby Fort Pickens. The commanding officer of Fort Barrancas, Lt. Adam J Slemmer, refused to join with the Confederates, took his men to Fort Pickens, rebuilt it, and held up there until the Union could bring in reinforcements.

Fort Morgan, on the other hand, was in rebel traitor hands, where it served alongside Fort Gaines (on the other side of the ferry) as Mobile’s key protection agent against the Northern aggressors. After it was captured by the Union, it served the Union army for a short while until Lee’s surrender.

Fort Morgan

exploring the interior

The Decline of the Forts

It was reinforced a bit during the Spanish-American War, but didn’t really see any use, and after 1947 was abandoned altogether.

Now it’s a big pile of earth, mortar, and stone, with some plaques and cannon placements, though its main cannonades are long gone. Where it once was three stories tall with hundreds of cannons, it now just looks to be one story tall with only a couple fire breathers left.

It’s at the very tip of the Key towards Alabama, and made it on our route primarily because there’s a ferry terminal right next to it. And because castles. It can be reached on foot from the terminal.

Fort Morgan

View of some oil wells

The Ferry

From there, the only way to continue on to New Orleans is to go back or take the ferry. During the summer, the ferry runs every 45 minutes, and during the off-season, every hour and a half. It’s come as you go, meaning you can’t reserve tickets ahead of time, and passage is 18 dollars per car and 6 dollars per passenger or pedestrian.

Dauphin Island ferry

he comes bearing presents

The route goes straight across Mobile Bay, which is spotted with dozens of huge oil platforms. The boat is chased by seagulls and sometimes dolphins, and the undersea life is full of sharks, so don’t fall in.

on the Dauphin Island Ferry

someone isn't as afraid as they should be...

Castles of the US, Fort Morgan


For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Soft sandy beaches spread across nearly the entirely peninsula’s circumference, and extend outward through Alabama until Mobile, where the salt marches of the Mississippi Delta gradually wash away a solid outline of coast. There is a wide variety of beach for every sort of comber. There are party beaches, quiet beaches, family beaches, and if you look hard enough, I imagine you’d find some nude beaches somewhere around there. It’s a coastal heaven.

For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

The beach on Perdido Key

We were taking my wife to her first trip to the great American South in order to meet my extended family. Most of them live in South Louisiana, except for my brother and his family, who live towards Florida. That’s why we decided to make the trip to this beach paradise. We found the Ocean Breeze condo complex on Perdido Key, just outside of Pensacola. This part of the stretch lies between the college party haven of Pensacola and the somewhat more family oriented party haven of Orange Beach in Alabama.

Seagull on the beach. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

Perdido Key hotels and birds

Perdido Key is lightly developed, with only a line of condo complexes stretching along the beach line with only a light smattering of restaurants and bars. Because of this, the beaches are immaculately clean, it’s easy to score an apartment facing the ocean, and there’s a lot of space to spread out to build sandcastles and great pyramids wherever you’d like.

We were staying in Ocean Breeze, a timeshare condo that most owners rent out to visitor’s year round, with many listed on VRBO, which is kind of like AirBnB. This part of the beach is undoubtedly the quietest and cheapest part, making it just perfect for family vacations and gatherings, such as what we had.

Beach view from the resort. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

View from the room

It was an odd sort of meeting. I hadn’t seen my brother and his wife since before I had left to Peace Corps, and I had never met my niece. This was the first time for that. And the first time for my wife to meet any of them. I had had a falling out with them years before, when I was on my own in Tbilisi in a period of darkness, near revolution, and a raging habit of drinking liters and liters of non-potable Georgian beer—truly terrible swill. But I came out stronger for it all, with a beautiful wife, beautiful life, and mad skills at the accordion, which will undoubtedly take me super far in life, as we all know accordions are all the rage these days. Or at least they should be.

The reunion went well, though most of that afternoon my wife and I spent recovering from the fierce jet lag that’s always carried across trans-Atlantic flights. That evening we finally descended to the beach.

That night like every night people were out walking around, their phone lights waving like torches, searching the sands for crabs. All we ever saw were the smallest sort scurrying across the granular earthen powder.

Crab's for dinner! For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

leftover crab

Then we came to a square trench surrounding a huge pile of sand. There was shouting and a flashing military grade torch from a different balcony in our complex. He seemed to be signaling something.

“He wants us away from his sand pile,” my mother pointed out.

“Impossible, that’s just crazy,” I said. But it seemed my mother was right. Day in and out through the week, this guy was on watch, guarding it as though he were protecting buried treasure. During the day he was out with trench shovels, digging down and down, so his sand pile would grow higher and higher. Eventually we saw what he was up to. He was trying to alert the world of the Illuminati takeover by building a giant sand pyramid and taking pictures in front of it to post on Instagram. To each his own.

Sand pyramids on the beach. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

a pyramid of cray

The next day we woke up to rain. My wife worried that maybe the whole trip would be rain, that this was a disaster, there would be no sunbathing. But the weather there is a fickle beast, willing to rage and be pacified at a moments notice. The rain soon disappeared and the sun came out to ease us onward for the rest of the week.

Beach storms. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

a meteorological temper tantrum

Things to do…

Outside of slamming up against the incoming waves until your brain is knocked around like mush, finding the occasional jellyfish to sting you and test your manhood, or killing people over trespassing on your sand-pyramid building site, there are other things to do in the neighborhood, but you absolutely need a car to vacation here.

Parasailing on the beach. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

parasailing in the distance

Firstly, there’s the usual beach activities, run by occasional huts up and down the beach, each with their own parking lot and signs. You can easily rent jet skis, go parasailing, or ride on a giant, inflatable banana. There are fishing tours available too, where you can even get paid if you catch a large enough edible fish on the trip.

Ferris wheel. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

a Ferris wheel at the Wharf

Or you can do what we did. Make your way over to the Wharf at Orange Beach for some laser tag. There they also have a ropes course and a Ferris wheel, or you can walk up and down and gawk at all the huge yachts you could never afford. There’s also laser tag, mini-golf and an (replica) erupting volcano at Adventure Island. At night you can catch live music at the Hangout, Flora-bama, or the Sports Bar, though we didn’t take part as we were too tired from the beating sun and the laser tag. And plus I don’t really like drinking at places I can’t walk or take public transit to, a real downer thing in this part, especially with the presence of police cruisers waiting outside the parking lots of every bar there is. One or two buses going up and down the Florabama stretch every thirty minutes or so would do a lot to liven up the tourism activities (I understand this is a thing over at Pensacola Beach).

Yachts at the Wharf at Orange Beach. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.

boats I will never afford

Where to eat?

The place we found to frequent was the Shrimp Basket, a chain that started out of Gulf Shores, Alabama and spread across the southern coastal states. Standard fried baskets of fish were the name of the game there.

A couple of friends I had made from way back when, when my parents and I went on a cruise in Turkey, happened to be living in Pensacola at the time and introduced us to by far the best restaurant where we had eaten this whole portion of the trip. The Sunset Grille is tucked away in Perdido Bay, at a small harbor near the bridge from the key to the mainland. As its name suggests, it’s definitely one of the best places to catch the sunset, with a small dock giving you a view of a palm tree covered island nearby.

Why to go?

The best reason to go for anyone foreign to the Gulf Shores to Pensacola area, rather than the more famous spots in the US, is to do what we did, make it a part of a New Orleans trip. It’s probably not a worthwhile place to go on its own, but combined with a great tour of the South it’s an absolutely perfect and engaging place for anybody. It’s about a 3 hour drive from New Orleans, but you’d have to rent a car to make your trip the most worthwhile. More on that next week.

Perdido Key beach. For a beach lover, there are few places better in the world than Florida and South Alabama. Read more about where to go on Perdido Key.


A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

Today my wife and I are celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary back here in Georgia. It’s not a big one for most, and it’s not one of those “silver” or “golden” anniversaries that Hallmark says we need to buy something special for. Thank goodness, since we’re still in a bit of poverty from two traveling types coming together. It is quite meaningful to me though, as is every moment I spend with this special girl I found in a small, smoke-filled art bar in Tbilisi.

Three years ago today was the event of my life. We had some crazy preparations. My wife had to leave the country to Prague for 3 months prior, setting up her new job there, which meant I had to go around looking for restaurants myself for the reception. As a musician, I’ve got loads of musician-friends, which meant music wouldn’t be so much of a problem, but we did have a budget to adhere to. And let me tell those thinking of maybe a destination wedding, after having a banquet of over 100 people, wedding and all came out to about 4,000 dollars, so Georgia should be on your list.

Tbilisi Sioni. A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

Tbilisi Sioni Cathedral of the Dormition

We chose the 28th because every time I came up with a workable date for my parents and all, I was informed Georgians were fasting. Georgians are always fasting! It’s among one of their favorite activities, right up next to eating salty cheese, drinking wine, and dancing. The 28th is a feast day though, being the Day of Saint Mary, or Mariamoba, so we were safe there.

I remember waking up with some super excitement and perhaps a mild hangover. My best mate and my parents had spent the better part of a week traveling around the country, to the high mountain regions of Svaneti to escape the punishing summer heat. Then we had a week's worth of festivities in my bride-to-be’s village, which became something of a marathon for my liver. The family and the neighbors were all wonderful, especially the red-faced groundhog who kept popping his head out over the fence, looking to see if we were around and ready to start drinking some more wine.

Tbilisi Sioni. A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

Sioni from across the river

They don’t rent out the whole church for a wedding like they do in the West. In the Georgian Orthodox Church, they don’t even have seats. Your wedding takes place, and other people might be in the church praying their own thing, there might be a baptism going on in a different chapel, and tourists might be wandering around marveling at the architecture and goings-on. None of that really bothered me, which was a good thing, since we probably chose the most touristic of all churches in Georgia to have our wedding in, the Sioni Church of the Dormition, a 6th century church which only recently lost the throne of the patriarch as it had moved to the newly completed Orthodox mega-church across the river.

Sioni Church of the Dormition

The church is located in the old town of Tbilisi, squeezed in-between two beautiful pedestrian areas lined with restaurants, bars, and cafes, plants pouring out of windows onto the streets, vines climbing up everything. On the front end stands a huge 15th century bell-tower, while on the other side is the roiling river of the Mtkvari, rushing past with a kind of quiet rage.

Tbilisi old town. A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

Erekle II street near Sioni

The first church there was built in the 500s by the founder of the city, Vakhtang Gorgasali, but was later destroyed by the Arabs. The current structure was built in the 12th century by another famous Georgian, Davit the Builder, and it managed to survive invasions, earthquakes, and fires for nearly a millennium. The dark interior is made even more beautiful and mysterious by the recent frescoes of the Russian painter Knyaz Grigory Gagarin in the 1850s and the Georgian painter Levan Tsutskiridze in the 1980s. It was also one of the few churches in Georgia that was allowed to continue operation as a church during the Soviet times, and even witnessed some restorations.

Tbilisi Sioni. A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

the interior murals of the church

All that to say, it’s not a quiet or unimposing church by any measure. But having a wedding there is pretty awesome, to say the least.

When we first arrived, my party was waiting outside. Only the wedding parties and close friends actually attend the ceremony itself, while the acquaintances and relatives all go wait at the reception hall.

My bride-to-be took her time getting there, and at first I was a little worried that she had come to her senses and decided not to show. But thankfully I was wrong! There she was and my heart leaped. I forgot everything and was just stupidly drunk on the happiness of the moment.

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

friends and family waiting for the bride

The baptism

We went inside. First, I had to get baptized, as the Georgian Orthodox Church won’t perform a sacrament to anyone who isn’t one of them, so that means I had to become Georgian in more than just marriage.

We went to a side chapel where I had to wait my turn. They were busy dunking a naked baby, who was crying at the top of his lungs and surrounded by his family folk constantly declaring everyone’s favorite Georgian phrase, “vai may!” Finally, the baby was done for and wrapped up. It was my turn.

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

about to get dunked

I took off my suit coat, rolled up my sleeves, and went on over. It was a huge brass grail like one a Titan might have used before Zeus had his way with them. I looked down at all that water. I wondered briefly how long it had been since they had changed that water, but maybe as it was holy, it was naturally clean. I certainly hoped so, just thinking about that baby’s bum, and what most babies do when they’re surprised. But woah! No more time to think, the priest had me by the neck and was waterboarding me, getting me to confess my fear of the Lord.

The wedding

After that was done, I suited back up. The priest asked for the rings.

I knew I had forgot something. I always forget something.

I sent a friend off to my flat to retrieve the rings.

Off to a rocky start to this marriage. Perhaps it was better to get the bumps out at the beginning after all.

When the ring arrived, we joined in the line at the wedding factory and went at it. One or two weddings later, it was our turn. We lined up. We huddled up with the priest, my wife translated bits and pieces, and me smiling the whole way through, barely cognizant of anything but how happy I was. The priest probably thought I was touched by God or something, in that most Georgians are pretty solemn people and hate wasting their energy doing things like smiling on happy occasions.

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

lined up for the ceremony

We followed the priest around in circles, as our bests followed us around with crowns over our heads. Then we made our way to the iconostasis and kissed it. The iconostasis is the protection barrier between the crowd and where the miracle of transubstantiation occurs. It protects the people from holy radiation or something, the same energy source that’s bundled up in the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Seriously dangerous stuff, folks.

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

following the priest around in circles

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

wedding done, ready for the congratulatory line

Then finally, rings on, we were declared man and wife. Out of the way for the next wedding! And we were off to our reception.

It was a grand reception. A friend tells me that was the best day of his life. Mine too, bud!

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

traditional dancing at the wedding

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

our first song, "Hold On" by Tom Waits, played by Shota Adamashvili

A Georgian Orthodox wedding is a real unique thing. Read the blog to find out more.

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