top of page

The bus took a windy road through the Riff Mountains from Tangiers to Chefchouen. The mountains there weren't huge, but there was a beauty hanging from their sheer brown cliffs. We entered the suburbs of town, looking out the windows in some dismay. There is no majestic entry to the city, as the road first hits several outlying villages.

The houses are nice - they weren't slums that we passed through - but neither were they the idea of the beautiful, isolated touristic setting that we had originally imagined. At first, we thought the small towns near Chefchouen were supposed to be the place itself; let down, thinking, "I thought it was supposed to be all blue." But then, around one bend, we finally saw the city. The blue part, the part of town that gave it the name "The Blue Pearl", is bedded between two mountains, making it seem as though it's isolated from civilization, though in actuality it's surrounded by small, growing and modern towns.

Inside "the Blue Pearl"

The bus stop

The modern town of Chefchouen - where the bus dropped us - seemed to be a construction project, and a new tourism booth was set up right on the main road. We had asked the guy there about the bus on the following day and he let us know that that was the first day the tourism booth had been opened, so he was quite excited to give us advice. The advice is that the CMT bus tickets are sold right up the street towards the medina, and to buy them in advance, because they sell out quickly, as per my last post. It's highly advisable to buy them in advance online at that link above.

From where the bus let us out, we found a taxi and took it to the main square in the medina, Place Outa El Hamam, a fairly romantic square with one side taken by a steep walled fortress and the other sides by outdoor cafes, chairs and umbrellas spilling over the cobbled plaza. From there we had to make our way through the initial blue bends and turns - everything blue, as though there were an effects switch to tint everything blue in your eyes - and finally up to the Casa Elias. With even that just short walk, we were already excited to see the city

Our window at Casa Elias

The Casa Elias was a nice place, run by quite an active young Moroccan man who speaks excellent English and has quite the entrepreneurial spirit. The housekeeper, who greeted us, didn't speak a lick of English but could speak French and Spanish and was more than happy to try to communicate with us, especially with the phrase, "Chambre o suite?" repeated over and over. Not really knowing the difference, I just kept saying, "Oui, en le internet, je suis Saint Facetious," until she at least just showed us what was either a chambre or a suite and then we agreed on it.

The place, though on the fourth floor, looked and felt like a beautifully decorated cave, with even the bed carved of stone or hardened clay or mud that blended into the floor and ceiling. The single window was in the rooftop, shaped like a star, and there was stained glass above that, filtering in colored light to the room below. The bathroom was a bit dank and smelling like a cave, but what could you expect from such a construction? Something told me that everywhere throughout all the hotels was the same. The rooftop, where they serve breakfast, has a really immense view, looking down across the medina. For that rooftop alone - and really, the room was really neat - I would stay there again.

A view from the Casa Elias patio

Chefchouen itself, as I mentioned before, is a blue city. This is by no means an exaggeration. All the tourist manuals are true. The entire medina is painted in various shades of blue - a few buildings got lazy and are stucco white, and there is an occasional red bricked building - usually a landmark, like a castle or a mosque, but one can't be too critical. Most of the streets are wide enough only for one or two people, and one gets the feeling you're in a real fortified city from the medieval days. Apparently, one hundred years ago, it was a green city, and Christians weren't allowed to enter on pain of death. But then the Spanish took the town, forced them to allow Christian tourists, and then the Moroccans - the quick learners that they were - realized that they would be better off taking filthy European and American money from tourists than beheading them. After the Spanish freed up the town, the residents decided green wasn't such a nice color and unanimously decided on blue. I’m not sure what sort of bureaucratic HOA had to head itself over that change of decor, but however the process went, it was quite successful.

Walking down a street in the medina

We spent the rest of the day exploring the azure labyrinth, going from cafe to cafe, drinking up the hot sweet mint tea and tasteless coffee that are both ubiquitous in Morocco - my advice, stick with the tea. At one place, I enquired about smoking some nargile - a tobacco water pipe.

"No, no, you can't do that hear," he said in a loud whisper. "The police are on about that."

"No, I don't mean hashish, I mean shisha. You know, tobacco."

"Yeah, they've really been on about it. You want to buy some hashish though? I can do that. Maybe come back later tonight and I'll have some for you."

Lots of cats

Strangely, marijuana seemed to be ludicrously easy to get in Chefchouen, with every waiter and guy walking down the street offering to sell some, though just a common water pipe was impossible to find. I understood that my quest to find a relaxing cafe to chill at and smoke water pipe was over. Later, in Fez, I read an article about how the police had been cracking down on cafes and bars that served shisha, as shisha smoking apparently caused women to become loose and to lose their morals. I facepalmed myself on that one, not realizing why that logic hadn't been so clear before.

The medina at night

In all, we only spent that one night in Chefchouen, though I do wish we could have spent maybe one night more there - though the lack of shisha would have made it daunting to find things to do. Good hiking can be found, and rumor had it there was a big waterfall to see, though hikers are also warned about the large plantations of marijuana out in the hills and along trails. Picking the stuff off farms is frowned upon, and you should probably talk to the guy carrying the machine gun about buying some, rather than risking his wrath.

Stairs up to houses

Outside a rooftop cafe

Rooftop cafe


The Czech town of Plzen is known as the birthplace of one of the greatest beers on the planet - Pilsner Urquell. It's a very easy and worthy trip from Prague if you've half a day to spare, or if your route goes from Prague to Munich or vice versa, as a recent trip of mine did. Getting to Plzen and beyond

As we were traveling with four of us, and needed a place near Prague to wait for the fourth, we found Plzen was the perfect spot. Especially because the Bayern Pass gives you a great discount from two to five travelers and starts its area of effect from Plzen on inward to Bavaria, so it was the perfect spot. If you're traveling to Munich and around, then the Bayern Pass is an absolute necessity. It allows you to travel as a single person for a 24 hour period for 25 euros, plus 6 euros for each additional passenger. Than means, you can go from Plzen to Munich for 49 euros for four people. Add 40 from Prague and you've 89 euros. You've just saved up to 311 euros with that trick.

The Bayern Pass is easy to get - you can either download a pass from the Deutsche Bahn app on any Android or Apple phone, or follow the link above. You pay with your card and download the ticket. You can print it or just use it on your phone. If you don't plan on stopping in Plzen, you can just buy a ticket to Plzen for that train, then continue your journey with your already downloaded/printed Bayern Pass without ever getting off the train (the same vice versa). You can buy tickets from Plzen using the Deutsche Bahn app or the CD (Cesky Drahy) app, and then show your ticket from your phone if the conductor asks. The DB app is in English and super easy to use, the CD app is not so easy as it's all in Czech, but one can still figure it out with some fiddling around.

Since you just saved 311 euros, feel free to use your savings to thank me and buy my book. It'll be great entertainment on your ride.

Visiting Plzen

Plzen is a beautiful small town. Small at a bit over one hundred thousand, though still the fourth largest city in the Czech Republic. There are several reasons to visit Plzen: it’s the home of the modern pilsner style of beer - the word “pilsner” comes from the German name of the city, Pilsen – there’s the Pilsner Urquell brewery, there’s a cute though small old town, and it was just the European capital of culture, so I imagine there are loads of other things to do there. There’s also a vibrant university culture there, so there are any number of activities going on - from theater to concerts - at any time of the year and week while the university is in session.

View of Plzen old town along the stream

We would have done the brewery tour at Pilsner Urquell if I had not done in before and my guests hadn't done brewery tours a thousand times before. If you haven't done a brewery tour, then this one is definitely one of the best you can ever do (second oddly, to Coors in Golden, Colorado). The booking site switches to Czech, but don't worry, under the tab "Jazyk" on the left, you can select English-speaking tours ("prohlidky" in Czech). Click "pokracovat" to continue and purchase the tour.

Old Town Square

So, not having a firm plan on what to do, we left the train and walked the 15 minute stroll to the center of the Old Town. There’s a nice stream that runs to the side of the Old Town, which makes some great views of the city’s few towers along the way. Finally, in the middle looms the massive Cathedral of St. Bartholomew (as viewed in the banner of this blog), which makes for the centerpiece of the town and can be seen from most vantage points throughout Plzen - it's spire is the tallest in the Czech Republic. It was built in the 14th century in the Gothic style and underwent several renovations due to fires, Hussites, and lightning strikes - as most churches in the Czech Republic.

walking towards the Old Town Square

You can take a trip up the bell tower for a few crowns, or just sit and enjoy the view at the beergarden in the center of the square. While we were there – and indeed, almost every time I’ve been there – there was a festival going on, where vendors were selling the typical souvenir wares from the lambskin goods and wooden puppets to the sausages and langoses that accompany most Czech festivals.

at the Old Town Square

Where to eat?

For dinner, we decided to use TripAdvisor to find the “best Czech restaurant” in town, though with TripAdvisor you are usually cursed with some of the most touristic places. From that, we selected Na Parkanu, which indeed, is the most touristic place in town, boasting a direct underground tap to the Pilsener Urquell brewery. The restaurant is a “typical Czech restaurant”, complete with the restaurant service you should come to expect during your visit in the Czech Republic. They have refined the art of ignoring the customer until they’re ready to serve, which is usually about 20 minutes into the visit.

Don’t go anywhere in Czechia expecting prompt anything – but then, there aren’t any claims to fast food for these restaurants, if that’s what you want then go to the McDonald’s down the street. They also don’t make claims to any polity either, so if that’s what you want, go to Vienna. The food itself was decent, but nothing outstanding, and the beer, despite being "served via the underground tap from the brewery", didn't taste as full as it should have. In the past, I was more impressed with the pirate themed restaurant, Restaurace Plachetnice right down the street. And of course, who wouldn't be, it's pirate themed!

Inside Restaurace Plachetnice

We also took a short coffee stop at a café on the main square called Nykty's Cafe. Prices there were the Czech average, and the interior was something of a “cute modern chic”, meaning, my wife would have loved it. Lots of pastels, curved furniture and over-sized bean bags. It had friendly service and a good toilet, so it worked well for our purposes of waiting for the train. However, the robot controllers of the lights in the toilet must have thought they were assigned to disco mode, as they go into strobe mode after three minutes of usage time. Definitely not an epileptic friendly place, especially for those epileptics cursed with constipation.

The Science Museum

Though we didn't go on this trip, I've also been to the science museum of Plzen, Techmania, which boasts a really cool planetarium, lots of fun little science experiments for kids, and an interesting exhibition on how Skoda made tanks for the Nazis and also make some of the best trains in the world (Skoda actually founded Techmania and its right next to the Skoda factory). You will have to take a tram or taxi to get there, as it's not so convenient to the Old Town.

A Skoda tram in Old Town Plzen

A final note on trains From there, we headed back and met my wife on the train to utilize the Bayern Pass. We caught a CD train that was headed direct to Munich. However, CD does work some of the best trains I’ve traveled on in Europe. They’ve got wifi, dining cars, electric outlets, and are all spacious and comfortable. The trains are also some of the cheapest in Europe, something that makes Czech Republic that much better for Bohemians, both Czech and artistic alike. Usually the trains are named after some famous Czech, like the CD Franz Kafka or the CD Vaclav Havel while the German Deutsche Bahn names theirs after famous Germans, and be warned, the German trains, though nice by American standards, definitely take a second to the Czech ones. I think we were on the Franz Kafka. This enjoyment would only be momentary, since after a few hours we’d be at our first German destination, Schwandorf.

Saint Facetious

Enjoying some quality relax

There are few better ways to spend a visit to Prague than soaking in an oak tub of tepid barley malt, drinking bottomless beers from a private tap, and staring in the face and other places of your dearest loved one or newest friend from the local pub. Then, after the bath, a literal romp in the hay – there’s a hay bed in the opposite corner. The smell is great, recounting one of simpler days of farms, pitchforks, and 12 babies needed to beat the high infant mortality rates and constant pillaging by the folks of the neighboring barony. It’s a growing fad in Prague, the beer spas not pillaging that is – completely alien to most Czechs since soaking in a tub of a beer-like mixture doesn’t happen to be one of the parts of their ancient hop boiling culture. However, it’s certainly something that is catching on.

There are three or four different beer spas in Prague and the number is fast growing. When I first learned of a beer spa, I imagined it as though you would soak in a tub of near boiling beer, in a position where you could nearly and actually drink your own bathwater, while also downing the cold stuff out of a tap. So when we arrived at the Spa Beerland on Zitna street, this was the impression that I had had. I was also under the impression that the price of the spa might also include that blond in the picture with the huge tracts of land, but – unfortunately for all you English blokes reading this blog and trying to figure out ideas for your next stag party – it doesn’t. The entry has a huge wall of souvenirs and a self service tap in the middle of the room. If you’re a bit early for your appointment, or they need a few minutes to prep your room, then you are free to grab a glass and start your guzzling. Then the lady will show you down the stairs into the dungeon of some hotel, where they have two rooms situated for the most ingenious of all spa visits. Room one, which we took, had the hay bed and two tubs for two people each, with each tub having its own tap. The slightly more expensive room 2 had three tubs, a sauna, and a hay bed. Certainly on my next visit, that might have to be the choice.

all you can pour? I think I will.

Now, I was a bit surprised when the lady picked up different baskets of powders – barley, malt, and hops powder. “Smell this,” she said on each one, explaining what they were. Then she put them into the tubs that were filled with steaming water and stirred. What? We weren’t going to be soaking in beer?! And then she went on about how all this stuff softens your skin or some other not interesting BS that’s dished out for the ladies. It’s really a great marketing technique – men don’t really have to be convinced to go to a beer spa, but they might have to convince their ladies. “It has magical properties that soften your skin!”

Pouring some to-go glasses

She left. We had our own private bathroom, so using the restroom after disrobing wasn’t a problem - this isn't the case with all beer spas I've been to since though, which is why Spa Beerland ranks the highest on my list. Also they left some “beer bread”, which was probably just made from the same stuff normal bread is made from, barley and wheat. It was good bread, especially after drinking twenty or so liters of beer. Then we got in the tub and soaked it all in, having this all-you-can-drink contest for the next one hour (it was a solo contest, as my wife wasn't too worried about over-indulging herself). The place cost about 1,150 crowns a person and I’m pretty sure I cleared at least half of that in my consumption. Then we had a romp in the hay and a bite of beer bread. When our time was up, we had seven minutes to get dressed and get out, which allowed us time to fill up another glass. And since when we got back to the lobby, we hadn't time to empty our glasses, we sat down to finish them. Naturally, I finished them faster than the old lady, so I refilled my glass again without a problem.

time for a literal romp in the hay

It was perfect time together, and there will be definitely repeat visits the next time we have special guests in town. We returned home and remembered we were entertaining guests from out of town - a whole family of them. Time to pretend not to be drunk! But at least we had soft skin.

bottom of page